Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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