she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
