everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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