I want to have your abortion
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
