Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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