can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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