I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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