I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
