If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
