508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
