Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
how drunk are you?
Several
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
