There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
