I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My liver just had a heart attack.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
