Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
