You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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