So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
