just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
