I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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