Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
