i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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