PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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