Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
