Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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