The maid of honor just puked.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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