i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
