I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
