Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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