Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
