do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
