Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
