I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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