I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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