Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
