There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
