we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
