we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
