I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
