Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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