i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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