If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
