I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
