I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
