he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
