I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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