Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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