she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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