Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
