I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
