just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
