I wish i was in the wii world.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
