Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
