I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
