u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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