so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
