Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
