oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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