My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
