Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
