She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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