Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
