Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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