i would punch a child for taco bell
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
