Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
