There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
