Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
