are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So squirting runs in the family.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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