In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
