STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
