And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
