Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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