If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
