apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We need to get me chipped asap
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
