I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i came on her dog
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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