ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
