i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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