i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
