Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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