dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
