My first STD was from a foam party
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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