i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
