OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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