She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
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have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
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Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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