bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
