I have demons in me.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
