im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
