I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
