my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
