A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize